Where was I ? Where have I been, which fields and realms have I explored during those long-short months ?
Good question. Looking back just now, I have no idea myself.

The time was for change. Action. Preparations for new adventures. New feelings. Sudden burst invasion into reality. Disappointement.
Yet, how fast I've lived. How much I have exchanged, given, received, fully, holding nothing back.
I have changed again, as it is expected at my age, those changes are quick, and you can be a totally different person from the one you were last week. My life follows that patter; I have the impression to stagnate. Then I am doing giant's steps.

I felt again. I am feeling still, but I have learned to temper it. Our feelings are mutual, but this story is impossible. But I guess sometimes, it's better not to know how it would have finished between this person and you. It spares you the cleaning and tidying you would have had to do in your own heart afterwards.
Contrary to most people, I couldn't risk my situation and his for a brief moment of happiness. Where would be the point ? The important is not in what you have done for yourself, but what you have prevented to the ones you care about. I'm a selfish creature, but not enough. I'm a cerebral being. Not an animal. I don't jump on men. Others do. But are they really the ones who are happy ? I couldn't understand why I couldn't make him cheat on his other half, why I was denied the possibility to feel. But then I realized. Anybody can feel. What matters is what you decide to do or not to do.
Sometimes, choosing the "un-hollywoodian" ending is not a lame excuse. I guess it just shows that at a certain point, you learn to protect yourself from the pain, because a brief moment of release compared to hours of misery is not worth it.

On the other hand, New Zealand.
This country awaits me. Or rather, I can't wait to go to this country, it's not like I'm going to revolutionize their perception of French froggies... but who knows, hope is still permitted in my world.
I can't wait to start a new life, I can't wait to find something different. I can't wait to see my life start... actually.